Now that I am past my due date, it is becoming very clear what the line is between the mental trials and physical trials of pregnancy are. As I'm going about my day, they all kind of jumble together in a big miserable mess. But by the end of the day, it isn't all that hard to discern one from the other.
Mental:
Maybe it is the hormones, or the physical discomfort flowing over, but I have been the most impatient and unpleasant I have ever been in my life. I get angry at anyone crossing my path. Like a preg-zilla! I don't want to be a raging 'you-know-what' but I can't help it. The only person I really feel sorry for is DH. Granted, he isn't the best with me when I am irritable and upset, but he doesn't necessarily deserve my wrath multiple times a day. Everyone else I don't feel as bad for. They should see this big belly and just know to stay out of my way :)
Maybe another spill over of the physical discomfort, but moral is definitely low. It may seem silly, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take. Everyone says, "She'll come when she is ready," but I don't know that I can last that long. I feel like I am more and more falling apart each day, if not each hour. I am fully aware that this may be (is?) selfish of me, but I don't know that I can wait until "she is ready."
The last mental hurdle is the sheer boredom of waiting until she arrives. I guess that is what I get when I started preparing for this little girl before she was even conceived. This is what happens when I am ready for her arrival 3+ weeks before her due date. I mean, I am bound to be bored out of my mind when I am going on 4 weeks of sitting at home with nothing to do! I've tried to make lists of things to get done or things that can entertain me. The problem is, I get those things done rather quickly and I am back where I started. And the more I sit on my butt, being bored, the lazier, more unmotivated I get to actually do something. Counterproductive? Definitely!
Physical:
Everything hurts. Ok, maybe not everything...but a lot of stuff. Everything between my belly button and my knees hurts. My feet hurt - they are swollen and the joints hurt. My hands hurt. They fall asleep frequently through the night. It hurts to close a fist. It hurts most in the morning, but they hurt all day. My back hurts. My lower back, my upper back, shoulders... it all hurts. No amount of massaging helps either. It hurts to sit on the couch, it hurts to sit on my yoga ball, it hurts to stand, it hurts to walk, it hurts to lay down. And turning over = Cringe in pain. Even my jaw hurts. That's just not right. I can't chew on my left side due to TMJ pain. When I turn over, my jaw pops and shifts into place. I knew pregnancy would get uncomfortable, but this is just getting excessive.
I have another appointment in an hour. This time with an OB (I guess now I can tell all the stupid people at the hospital that I, in fact, do have a doctor!!). I have to go without DH this time because he is at work. I am hoping and praying for some little bit of good news to hang on to.
I feel ya girl. Not that this is ever really helpful, but the trials of pregnancy really do prepare you a bit for motherhood because the mental and physical discomforts are there when you're a mom too, just in different ways. I hope your appt. goes well- I've heard that near a due date many women will go into labor after getting checked. I'm hoping that happens for me tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteYou'll make it Brie! I know it seems hard now but it will all be worth it when you get to hold her for the first time. We're praying for you and we hope she comes soon. We can't wait to hear the news!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had more helpful things for you but I don't. I'm not a mother! BUT my mom did say last night that I was the only baby that was late, and I was the easiest pregnancy she had! :)
ReplyDeleteBrie! Even though it's rough right now, you're showing how great of a mom you're going to be BECAUSE you haven't given up yet! The best moms are those who can sacrifice for their children. And although it sucks that that part is already starting (and although Lydia probably won't thank you for that until SHE'S having her first baby some day.. in a long, long, long time)-- you're doing great!! I love you!! She's a lucky, lucky girl!
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