Balancing Act

Life really is a balancing act, isn't it? I feel like I am possibly starting to get better at balancing husband, baby and school. On the other hand, it might be because I have had a long weekend that included a date night with the hubby and lots of snuggles with Bean. It felt good to have so much time to spend with my little family. I head back to school tomorrow...I might be feeling a little differently come tomorrow night.

I have my first patient all by myself scheduled for tomorrow! Exciting! I can't wait! I'm a little nervous though. The weird thing is, I'm not nervous about the dentistry I'll be doing. I am more nervous about using the new computer system and all the logistics of having my own patient. Kinda silly, I know.

I had a consult for braces on Friday. I would really like to get my top teeth in alignment. It isn't so much noticeable in normal conversation, but I think it is getting progressively more noticeable in pictures. People think it is silly that I want braces for such a minor correction. I disagree. I don't think DH is going to let me do it though. He says we can't afford it, which is probably true. I told him I need a definite answer by tomorrow. I would be shocked if he said I could get them.

Another thing I talked to DH about this weekend was another baby (ooooo ahhhh!). I did some thinking about timing and such. I was thinking November/December might be a good time to start trying for another one? I would be 3 or so months out of school when the baby would be due and Lydia would be around 18 months old. Of course DH acted shocked when I brought it up - he isn't so good with change, or even the thought of change. He needs time to think about it I guess. I never thought I would be ready to have another baby so soon. If I was being honest...If I didn't have school and I was going to be a stay-at-home mom I would consider trying to have another one in the next few months. That just is NOT going to happen with me in school. I don't think they would let me take a second maternity leave ;)

And last but not least, some pictures of Lydia at 15 weeks (already!?!?!):

The Reason...

Here are some pictures of the the reason I'm in so much turmoil over going back to school...

It's Killing Me

Ok, not literally... Maybe it's just killing my soul. I thought it was going to get easier as time went on, but it's not. It's getting harder by the day. If I were a crier, I would look like a mess along with feeling like a mess. Every time I leave her in the morning I give her a hug and a plethora of kisses - then comes the hardest part of my day. I have to put her down and walk out the door. I really hope I made the right decision. I will never get this time with her back...

It Has Hit Me

It has finally set in. I miss Lydia like crazy! I had a full day at school today - my second full day in a row. I missed her so much at lunch time and was so tempted to just ditch and go home. I sucked it up though, and stayed. I had an anterior composite restoration I agreed to do during the afternoon session, so I thought I better stay. I left school around 4:00 and didn't get home until 6:00. It was a really long day and I couldn't wait to see my little girl. I held her all night long. I didn't want to put her down. DH asked me if I wanted him to get her in her PJs and change her diaper for bed and all I wanted to do was snuggle her. I'm so glad it is the weekend and I can spend the next two days with her. It might have killed me if I had to leave her again tomorrow morning. All I have to say is, this program BETTER be worth it! I feel like I am missing so much of her life being gone all day.

All that said, I am still glad I went back. I really do love dentistry and treating patients. I did my first restoration on a patient today and I'm excited for the many more to follow.

Next week, Bean is going to hang out at grandma's Monday, Wednesday and Friday...those will be long days as I will be driving NW for 30 min to drop her off and then taking the Northstar to Minneapolis - then taking the Northstar back North and then driving south again back home. Lots of travel, but it is the most economical and probably least time consuming way to do it. It should be interesting.

I wish I had new pictures to post, but I haven't seen Miss Lydia enough to take new ones :-\

Oh! And one last thing...I have to give myself a quick pat on the back. I haven't bought anything besides groceries in the past 2 weeks (I think)! Gooooooo me! I feel like I'm in shoppers rehab! Ha!

Since I haven't posted any pictures recently, here are a few :)

Nice warm day today:

Rainy, cold day last week:

Mama going a little crazy:

Bean and her aunt at a wedding:

Bean and her great-grandparents at a wedding:

Multi-Tasking

I've realized after today that it isn't so much physically multi-tasking that I have a problem with. Or even mentally multi-tasking. I'd even like to think I am pretty good at it. It is emotionally multi-tasking, I now realize, I have a problem with. As much as I was dreading going back and leaving my baby girl, I really enjoyed being back. It is my element. Treating patients is what I was meant to do. I can just tell. Granted, my first class was SUPER boring and I skipped out on my afternoon oral surgery rotation...I really enjoyed treating my patient today! It was crazy to me that I wasn't terribly missing my little girl. With that said, I decided I would rather not stick around to assist in oral surgery, observing procedures that are not within my scope to do. I was excited to get home, but I really wasn't in much of a hurry. This was weird to me. It was also weird to me that I didn't want to just sit and hold my little girl as much as possible when I got home. I struggle with mediocre feelings. I feel uncomfortable when my feelings don't match my all-or-nothing mentality.

I am excited to go back tomorrow and assist in oral surgery, although again, I don't know that I will stay for the afternoon session. This is going to be one interesting juggling act...

Too Late?

Tomorrow is the day. Is it too late to back out now? I was doing well all day while avoiding thinking about returning to school. But now the night is winding down and when I wake up in the morning I will be getting ready to leave my little girl for the entire day. To make things worse, she had a bit of a meltdown tonight. DH was with her for most of the day and she ended up super hungry and screaming because her schedule got a little off. She screamed all 30 minutes home, with tears running down her face. She got her bottle and was fine for the most part. It just makes me really nervous to leave her. Not that I don't trust the people she is going to be with, because I do. It's just they aren't me. I'm probably being irrational.

It's not just leaving Lydia that I am worried about. I am worried about getting back into the swing of things and being able to keep up. I'm not so much worried about class - I've been going to classes for the last 18 years of my life. I am worried about going to clinic. Am I really ready to treat patients. Ack! I hate this. I don't want to go back.

I could do something else...I could be a nanny? A dental assistant? A wedding planner? So many options!

On a brighter note: The wedding on Friday was FABULOUS and I hope my dearest is having a wonderful time on her honeymoon! :)

I suppose I should get to bed. *tear*

My First Mother's Day!

Ok, so I was preparing to be a little disappointed on Mother's day. Debbie-Downer, I know. But I was so excited for it but I didn't want to put too much pressure on it. DH totally exceeded my expectations though! I woke up Sunday morning (at our nice hotel in Fargo, ND), looked over at DH and Bean and sitting in between us was a jewelery box with a big silver bow on it! In the box was a diamond and ruby key necklace! It is so beautiful - I absolutely LOVE it! He also got me a card from him and a card from Lydia. It was perfect. And totally unexpected.

It made for a really great start to a busy, busy mother's day. We started the day with breakfast with DH's mom and the extended family in Fargo. Then we headed home, dropped off BIL and SIL and headed over to my parents' place for dinner. Busy - and I was exhausted, but it was wonderful. I was responsible for bringing dessert, so Lydia and I stopped at Truffle and Tortes in Plymouth to pick up some individual desserts (THE BEST!!!). Since we were there, we decided to stay for a little date ;)

I forgot if I mentioned this in the last post, but we were in Fargo for DH's cousin's wedding. Lydia did sooooo well! She barely made a peep and passed out around 9:30, with music booming and all. Lydia and Papa had their first father-daughter dance to My Little Girl by Tim McGraw. Coincidentally, this is the same dance my dad and I danced to at my wedding. It drew a couple tears out of me. It was one of the sweetest thing I have ever seen. And of course, they got a big "awwwwwwwww" from the crowd.

The time is drawing near for me to return back to school. I am sad about it, but I feel like it was the right decision for me and my family, which gives me comfort. It also seems like I will be home much more often than I originally expected. The more I am home, the better. Obviously. I had a friend show me the ropes of clinic a little bit today and I am feeling much better about things because of that and the studying I've done. I really hope this doesn't kill me! She is just so sweet - it's going to be so hard to leave her.

My buying hiatus has gone fairly well if you ask me! I've been shopping quite a bit but have exhibited a lot of self control. I got a couple of pieces of jewelery from New York and Company and spent $17.00. In my defense, I got 2 necklaces and 2 pairs of earrings for that $17. Pretty good if you ask me!

And finally, an update on how BIG Lydia is getting:

In Dem Jeans

I can't believe I forgot to write about this in my last post, but I fit in some of my pre-pregnancy jeans!!!! WAAAHHHOOOOOOOOO!!! I have been periodically trying them on since like 2 weeks postpartum (a little early?) and FINALLY they fit! Not all of them, obviously, but about 1/3 of them fit. And 1/3 of them are pretty close. I am so beyond excited!!! It is amazing how much jeans can make you feel normal.

My shopping hiatus has gone pretty well so far this week...well, I should say buying hiatus. I have been shopping quite a bit. But I haven't bought anything but groceries. And even then, I only spent $50 on groceries. Pretty good if I do say so myself :) We'll see how today goes - I am going to the mall again. And I have to get a wedding gift for this weekend. This could be dangerous!

I have been studying every night this week to attempt to get back up to speed with dental stuff before I go back. I feel like I have forgotten EVERYTHING! This makes me quite worried. I am already skittish about going back, so this isn't helping. Also not helping, the Dean of the dental school/creator of my program sent out an email today saying he is leaving the school of dentistry to take the Dean's position at Ohio State. Not good news. I don't really know how this will effect us, but he was our main advocate and now he is leaving. Sigh. I really hope I made the right decision about going back. I am having lunch with a friend from the program tomorrow, so she will give me the scoop about how things are going. Hopefully it is going well. One positive note about going back...I fit into my scrubs ;)

On the agenda for the next couple days:
Study Local Anesthesia
Go with mom to dental appointments
Play date with friend
Coffee with friend
Lunch with friend
Pick up new chair and ottoman
Bible study
Pack for trip to Fargo, ND
Study Radiology
Wedding
Mother's day

Back to School, Back to School

I decided, to the amazement of myself, that I am going to suck it up and go back to school. It's official. I emailed my director today and let him know. I guess there is no going back now. Every time I think about it, I feel sick and tear up. It is going to be so hard, at least at first. I think it is the best option though - I really do. If I thought there was a way I could stay home with Lydia and still have a life and career of my own that I would be happy with, I would. But dentistry is the only thing I have wanted to do since I can remember... Now I want to do dentistry and be a mom. If I can suck it up for one year, I can have them both. And I suppose, if I go back and decide I just can't take it and I don't want to do dentistry anymore, I can leave and be with my lovely baby again. I'm really hoping I am able to be strong and finish what I started.

DH asked me today if I wanted to take Bean for a walk. It was really sweet of him. All 3 of us froze our bottoms off, but it was really nice family time. I guess he is really going to try to stick to our agreement of one fun thing per week in exchange for me not shopping. I think I will have a really hard time this coming week - what am I going to do all week if I can't go shopping?!?!


Here are some pics from Lydia's 11th week of life:

Great-Grandpa Hanenburg trying to get Lydia to suck her thumb :)

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention, my very first mother's day as a mom is this weekend and I'm so excited!!! :)

Deals Deals Deals (Pics)

Here are my finds from the last few days :) It is really late, but since Bean is still awake, I might as well get this post in!

Garage sale #1:

$20

FREE

FREE

Garage sale #2:

$1

$1

Garage sale #3:

$1

$5

Garage sale #4:

$0.50

$0.50

$2

Just Between Friends sale:

Crocs=$3

$4

$2.50

$1

Robeez=$6

Those are all the deals you will see from me for a while. I am officially on a shopping hiatus. (Booooo!)