It is 2:30am and I cannot seem to find sleep. This could possibly have to do with the fact that I slept until 2:30pm this afternoon (after being up from 6am-9am). It could also have to do with being so very uncomfortable. Or thoughts racing through my brain. Thoughts about when this baby will arrive, how delivery is going to go, if I will ever get my pre-pregnancy body back (Or even just close), if these stretchmarks on my belly will eventually disappear, if I will look like one of those people that used to be really fat and then lost a lot of weight only to have a bunch of skin left over, if my boobs will become flat like pancakes (at 23 years old!!!). Yeah, that's a lot of thinking for 2:30 in the morning. The annoying thing is, I feel like I am just waiting for something to happen. Anything really. I hate waiting. I'm soooo NOT good at it. I am beginning to come to the realization that things are gonna get pretty difficult once baby gets here. Neither DH nor I really know how to take care of a newborn. And we all know how AWFUL I am with little sleep. But I just can't wait to have our little girl here. I am so anxious to meet her. It is weird to think there is going to be a little person that is a mix of DH and I. In all honesty, I can't imagine what it is going to be like. I can't imagine her actually being here. I can't imagine the day ever coming. It literally feels like I will be pregnant for a long, long time. I am due in 10 days. You would think reality would start setting in. It hasn't. I don't think it has really set in for DH yet either. He has his epiphany moments where he realizes that we are going to have another person to take care of very, very soon. I don't think reality will set in for either of us until she is actually here. Or maybe when labor is in full swing.
There are just so many unknowns and I am sick of waiting for something to happen. There is nothing I can do about it though. No matter how sick of waiting I get, I really have no control over the situation. I don't like that much either.
I have made an exercise plan in my head for after baby arrives. I will do my cardio during the day (Turbo Jam, Tae-Bo, etc...) at home with baby and then I will go to yoga when DH gets home. I am hoping that whips me back into shape rather quickly. I don't think yoga is the fastest way to get back into shape, but it is sooooo so good for my mental health, if nothing else. DH mentioned he would like to get a family membership to the Y so he can start swimming again. Maybe when Lydia gets a little older and I am comfortable with someone watching her while we work out. Who knows. I have heard good things about the Y and like the look of some of their classes.
Another thing I have to think about is what we are going to do for child care. I am so blessed to be able to stay home until she is 3 months old, but we have to figure out what we are going to do when I go back to school. My MIL has agreed to watch Lydia part time, so I am thinking we will have someone (nanny) come in to our house to watch her the other days. We also might have the option of having our friend from Bible study watch her part time - depending on what her situation is come May.
It is weird to say this, but I am sort of missing school at this point. I think the boredom has gotten to the point where there are many things I would like to do that I normally would not enjoy. It is hard to hear about everyone starting clinic and seeing patients while I sit at home and do nothing. I'm wondering how long it will take after baby arrives for me to feel this way again. I have never liked just sitting at home. This is why I truly believe I could never be a stay-at-home mom. I have to have some place to be. A schedule of some sort with something productive to do.
I suppose at this point I am just rambling...it feels good to get all these thoughts written out though, no matter how delusional I may be.
Looking back on my first posts, it's been quite the journey getting here. I suppose pregnancy is nothing really like I thought it would be. I thought I would love having the big pregnant belly. In reality, I just feel like everything has gotten big, which makes the big belly much less cute. Not to mention the stretch marks that go along with growing. I thought I would enjoy pregnancy much more than I have. Looking back, I might see it a little differently. I will say, I don't foresee wanting to be pregnant again any time in the near future. For this reason (among others), I would really like to adopt our next child - as if pregnancy wasn't enough of a challenge!
The more I continue to ramble, the more I realize I am living in the future...I can't help it though. The present is just so boring.
My plan for tomorrow (if I ever get to sleep tonight): Pre-natal yoga at home, clean bathroom and kitchen, work on Thank-you's, walk at the MOA to try to get some sort of labor going, (dinner with DH?), Bible study.
I am hoping DH will take me to the St. Paul winter carnival some time this weekend to see the ice palace. Maybe Friday? Then I have a whole week with nothing to do until my next plans - the Packers in the Superbowl! This also happens to occur the day AFTER I am due. I highly doubt she will be here by then though. I already have plans to make green and gold cupcakes for the superbowl party.
Alright, I think I have done enough rambling for the night...maybe now I can get some sleep? After I go to the bathroom, again.
Maybe we will both have Super Bowl babies! Who knows! I hate the unknown too, but I have a huge, huge list of things to accomplish which makes it easier and makes me want to FINISH that list. Why don't you try to perfect a recipe before the baby gets here? Or make some meals to put in the freezer? Or organize random closets and stuff? That's what I'm doing.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling the same way about having a baby before Evan came. I had NO IDEA what was in store for me and really, as parents, we have no idea what is in store for us from day to day. That's kind of what makes it so fun. But believe me when I say that your motherly instincts will kick in when she is born and you will just know how to take care of her because all you will want for her is the absolute best.
I still feel totally scared because I feel like I barely remember what having a newborn is like. That newborn haze. I barely remember the first couple months.
Pregnancy and waiting is so hard, but so worth it! : ) : ) I can't wait to see your baby!